Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
