I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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