So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
