I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize