Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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