I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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