Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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