matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
