You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
