oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm both gender and math confused
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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