Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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