First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
