my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
