i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
COCAINE IS GR8
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