My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
