also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
