I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This baby is an asshole
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
They have beer where we have blood.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
