yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
a search helicopter?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
