Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize