I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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