I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
two words: eviction party
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
