I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
