I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
