the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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