everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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