a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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