a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
