Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
