It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize