my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
