I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize