He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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