Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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