Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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