The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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