I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
