all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
