hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
