i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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