Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
