I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
