some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
