I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
