Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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