i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
