Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize