A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
