there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
