I puked a lego.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
