You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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