SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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