Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
