She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude. I can hear the air.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
