I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
