shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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