wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
