Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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