my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize