This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
