he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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