hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My vagina just recognized that song.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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