Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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