Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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