Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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