I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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