I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
