I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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