So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
