sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
