I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
