Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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