He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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